HTTP 404 Fucking File Not Fucking Found

You fucked up, assclown
The page you are looking for might have been removed, had its name changed, or is temporarily unavailable.  Well, I take that back.  There is a really good chance that you're a big fat-fingered mope who'd do better typing with an eight pound sledgehammer, or you can't spell for shit.  Any way you slice it, there is a 96.73% chance that you fucked up somewhere.  The remaining 3.27% of you got here from a Google link that hasn't worked in months.  Shows you how on top of things those fucktards are.

Please try not to fuck up the following:

  • This is a Linux server, which is case-sensitive.  So, if you used capital letters ANYWHERE in the address, fix it.  If you're one of those assholes that sends me e-mail IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHERE THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON IS AND/OR THINK THAT IF YOU SEND ME AN E-MAIL LIKE THIS THAT I'M GOING TO PAY THAT MUCH MORE ATTENTION TO IT, well, no, I'm not.  What I'm going to think is that you're a fucking moron and need to re-take Typing 1A back at Plowfuck Junior High where you almost graduated from.  Survey says CAPS LOCK key, jackass.
  • If you typed the page address in the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly (see the whole CAPS thing above).  Nah, you probably didn't.  Try typing it again slower, maybe that will help.  Better yet, call your dog over here and have HIM type the address in.  He couldn't do any worse.  Do you even know what a dictionary looks like?
  • Open the www.UnhandledExceptions.com home page, and then look for links to the information you want.  See, this way, you don't have practice your "Hukd on Fonix" tape by typing and in the process butcher the English language and/or the addresses for the pages, just push a little button.  You'd probably screw that up, too, what the hell am I saying. Give me twelve people like you, I could bring the World Wide Web to its knees.
  • Click the Back button to try another link.  Since you're probably playing with yourself, you only have one hand free anyway, so typing is out of the question.  I bet you have a great porn collection, don't y... oh, yup, here it is, right in your Temporary Internet Files folder.  Don't worry, only you and I know about that.  And your wife, your boss, your kids, the checkout girl at the grocery store, and your kids' Little League coach.  Whoa, check this one out, how the FUCK did she get three in there at once?  THAT'S gonna leave a mark.
  • Go take a big hairy shit, whip open the latest issue of "Maxim," and have a party with yourself.  From what your mom says, you're really good at that.  Yeah, all those times you thought you were being sneaky in the can when you were a kid, putting the exhaust fan on, punching the clown with the latest JCPenney catalog looking at the underwear ads?  Did it ever dawn on you to flush to complete the charade?  Or at least muster up a good fart to scent the air?  How many people spend twenty minutes in the toilet and come out without flushing or stinking up the joint?
  • Click Search to look for information on the Internet. Of course, when the search window comes up, you'll probably put in something like "CHEERLEADER SEX" or "WOMAN FUCKING A HORSE," because let's face it, 80 percent of all web traffic is you, me, and people just like us sitting at work pretending to be generating T-32 report cover letters when we're on The Hun seeing how many free screw pictures we can look at.
  • Actually, come to think of it, just turn the computer off, put it back in the box, and return it.  Tell the sales clerk you're too fucking stupid to own a computer.  It amazes me sometimes how something so simple could continue to be such a clusterfuck for you guys.  You probably STILL can't program your VCRs.
  • Oh by the way, the picture that you downloaded from that 16 year old nymphomaniac you were talking to on mIRC yesterday?  The one you're trying to talk into meeting you at a hotel?  This picture right here that you "cleverly" put in your "Work Stuff" folder thinking NO ONE would look there?  That's not her, it's a porn star wanna-be.  The "girl" you talked to is a 40 year old guy named Butt-Bongo Bob who has less of a life than you.  But there was a kernel of truth to your conversation.  He DOES wanna fuck you.  That's OK though, because you're not a 19 year old football player with a convertible Mustang like you told "her."  Isn't the internet fun?  Oh, wait, what's THIS picture?  Whoa, Nellie!  What is she doing to that horse?
  • If you're still using AOL (our motto: "You Are All Such Sheep, No Wonder We're #1"), well, that's all I have to say.
  • And just in case I didn't use the word "fuck" on this page enough:  fuck fuck fuckity fuckfuckfuck.  There, now go wash your eyes out with holy water.

Of course, if you actually DID type the address wrong (and let's assume you did), then the odds are you can't even read this page, so basically what I've done is waste a half hour writing this instead of doing something productive like finding a way to get Tara Reid to... well, anything.

The mere fact that I spent a half hour writing this should tell you about the sad twist that my social life has taken.  I've sunk to entertaining random people on the internet.  See, this is what happens when you have a 150 IQ and a degree in history.  You write stupid shit like this.  Let that be a lesson to all you Liberal Arts students.

 

HTTP 404 - Fucking file not fucking found
Internet Explorer

Termina at www.UnhandledExceptions.com wrote this.  Gives you a little insight into the warped, twisted puddle of synapses that I call my mind, doesn't it?